Getting sick

My head hurts and I'm sore and I just feel like crap altogether.

This morning I woke up and my allergies were being a bitch and I wasn't thinking and I rubbed my eye. Then I stabbed it with the mascara brush. Then I accidently poked it. So I think it's out to get me now.

Last night my mom figured out one of the people I like and told me "I think you can do much better." Which really pissed me off because she really doesn't knwo him and she's a poop. I had to break my ignoring her phase this morning though, to convince her I wasn't preggo. She is such a MOM! It's terrible! =]

I made a new friend today :) her name is Dewey and she is very funny.

Sorry for the short post but I really have to do homework :-(

Love you all!
ittyK

last few days

So These are kinda the text conversation I had two nights ago between me and Rene. I can't remember it exactly but I think this is kinda the vague idea of what happened

Rene: don't drink
Me: ?
Rene: I've been thinking about you a lot lately and I'm scared
Me: it's ok, I promise i'll be alright
Rene: Are you gonna do it tomorrow?
Me: no. why?
Rene: I don't know... who are you gonna do it with?
Me: I don't know
Rene: Not mike or zac. i love them but i don't think thats the best idea
Me: definately not! I think I have someone in mind but IDK

I was also texting Anton at the same time even though he was asleep and i was kinda pouring my little heart out to him and being all... I don't know... weird. And now he wants me to tell him what I'm thinking more because he'll be able to help me. I really want to but I don't know how. That sounds really dumb but whatever. haha

Also that night I really felt scared and upset and whatever and I was trying to distract myself because I'm trying to stop cutting. but that night it was really hard because nobody would help me so I picked up the knife but then the weirdest and most amazing thing happened.
I made, like, two cuts then I realized that I really didn't want to hurt myself anymore and it wasn't going help anything and I was just pushing people away. I was able to stop myself.

So yeah.... Yesterday I texted um.... 'Abby' in the morning and told her I felt like I was dissapointing everyone. She told me I probably was but I had to choose which was more important. I got really mad (I don't exactly know why) and left my phone at home that day. Which was good for me.

I went snowshoeing yesterday, too. The grades 5-8 went together, which sucked because all the 5 and 6 graders are terrible except one. So I mostly hung out with my friends and even though two of the four annoy the crap out of me, it was really fun and it was a nice distraction.

So yeah.

I'm sick of being told I'm too young. I hate it. I'm more mature then most kids my age. physical age doesn't even matter that much.

So yeah. I'm still going to drink, but I'm nto cutting anymore. thats how it is. deal with it.

That sounded kinda mean, but whatever. It's the truth.

I still love you all!
ittyK

Cookies!

So I'm kinda freaking out right now...

'John' has been being REALLY nice lately and I think I'm starting to form a crush. The thing is though, I've had a crush on his best friend since the begining of the year (lets call him.... Max) but thats kinda faded into this vague thing.... You know what I mean?

However, I was texting a friend last night (pretend their name is... Carmen) and Carmen managed to get a girlfriend. I was very happy for her, (her girlfriend was cute!^^) but then she made me tell something I've only told like.... two people. And I don't plan on telling anybody else... Maybe? I don't know. I think I should.

So sorry for leaving you hanging like that... I may say it sometime. I may not. Some may guess. If you do have a guess, I would like if you asked me privately. Cuz I'm wierd.

I think I need to go back to class now...
I love you all!
ittK

Hello sir!

How are you?

It's really really REALLY cold! I suppose I should wear a jacket though... :-/

My friends are so wierd.... 'Joe' was just texting me and telling me hhow exciting his book was because there was a necrophiliac in it. I am very disturbed.

Ha I really have nothing to say but I'm so bored and I really don't want to do all the homework I have. Damn.

So Kyle has a phone now, so I was texting him. I hate talking to people about stuff like that.
he said he'd get me some tomorrow.

I'm really scared. I don't know what's going to happen because everything is changing. I don't want change. Change is bad. Always.

So I have to go to a meeting at my school for something about next year.... My BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN IN FOREVER is going to be there!

So, I love you all and such :)
ittyK

Random

I'm really tired and I want to get my phone back, but in order to do so I must clean my room. That may take a while :-/ haha so I really should be doing homework. I'm blogging and reading anime though. My classes are way too easy for me. I'm learning about volume and surface area. In eighth grade. For, like, the fifth time. The book I'm reading in bookclub is way too easy. We are doing a few writing peices, but they're super easy for me since grammar and spelling come naturaly to me. So that may be part of the reason I'm changing schools next year.

Now I'm listening to a really good song.... It's the one playing at the end of the yule ball in HP4.... 'Cuz I'm a geek...

I read this REALLY good book. It's called Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl. It's basicaly about this guy who has these wierd dreams that like affect him in a way... like, he dreams about blackholes and mud and lemon and rosemary and when he wakes up he's wet and there is mud under his fingernails.... It's odd. Then he meets this chick who plays this creepy song and smells like lemons and rosemary and she becomes the school outcast, basically. Then Ethan (the dude) and her get together when he figures out about her powers and how she may go 'dark' or 'light' on her 16th bday, which is coming fast. I don't want to give anything away, but the ending is pretty trippy. :)

I like this song. Born to lead by hoobastank

I suppose I shoud go do math then clean my room and such... Bye!
love,
ittyK

Cold

It's freezing here in UT. The worst part is that it's not snowing. Well, I suppose it would be snowing in the mountains, but not down in the valley. It sucks.

I spent last night at a friends house. We watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long blog and Ever After and ate cookie dough. It was pretty fun, I guess. I had to sleep in a basement that probably hasn't been dusted since god knows when with cat hair all over, so that really didn't help my allergies.

my sister is being stupid and annoying as always and my parents are being total assholes and usual. I'm supposed to be doing homework so I can go see movies tomorrow.

I really don't have much to say... OH! I have and idea =]
So these are questions I stole from a friend (adjusted a bit)


Have you always lived in UT, USA?
no, I used to live in Tennessee but that was only for two years

Do you like living there?
meh, it's ok. very mormon though :-/
Have you had the chance to travel much?
I've traveled all around the US but I've only been out-of-country thrice.
Do you have interests such as hobbies?
I don't really have anything hobby-like other then blogging and writing.
What do you do for fun?
I mostly hang out with my friends or sit in my room with the lights off (but with lots of natural light) and read and listen to music and text =]
do you have a BF/GF?
nope, and I'm pretty cool with that! haha
What is your fav food?
that is a good question
What is your fav music?
I really like pop and rock and really anything unless its sexist or country =] I really don't have great taste in music though

hmmm... I have nothing else to say.

Don't get dead!
ittyK

Cute

SO, I'm super lazy and tired and I have nothing to say. Here are some webcomics that are incredibly cute :) look at them in order though

http://xkcd.com/614/

http://xkcd.com/1/
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fxkcd.com%2F11%2F&h=7e29ea9764b7a331977a88fef64bf3c1
http://xkcd.com/20/
http://xkcd.com/22/
http://xkcd.com/25/
http://xkcd.com/31/

Make the sad go away

I have so many friends who know someone who commited suicide last weekend. I'm not going to name people, because I don't know if they would want me too, but I can say it was a lot. Like, five or six friends or something. Nobody I knew died, but it was really hard to see their loved ones so upset. I can't help but think that valentine's day had something to do with it....

So anyway, I was at the store today buying chocolate because it's after V-day and it goes on sale (And I'm cheap! haha) and I saw this elderly woman with crutches. It seemed like she was struggling, so I asked her if she needed any help. She said no, so I went back to deciding between milk and white.
The one thing that really bugs me about this whole exchange was that, instead of just sraight up asking, I hesitated. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I still paused before offering. I think the reason I hesitated was because I was afraid, but I don't know what it was that scared me.

So yeah, I'm done being all weird and sad and stuff.
I love all you muchly!
ittyK

Happy president's day

PLEASE STOP WITH THE MEAN COMMENTS! I know at least one of you think that they aren't rude, but I don't know what else to call it when somebody calls me a 'stupid attention-deprived chlid who just wants to brag.'

So other then REALLY hating a couple of my readers, I'm pretty good.
Yesterday I spent the day skiing, watching Southpark and playing Wii with my friend. At first I thought it would be miserable, but it turns out she changes around different people. She's insanely annoying at school, but when it's just us, she's really nice.
Today I went and saw Valentine's day (again) with my BEST FRIEND who I hadn't seen in FOREVER! It was amazingly fun!

Things are even going pretty good with my parents, but I doubt I'll forgive them until I get my phone back... My sister is as annoying as ever....

I'm very sleep-deprived since I spent most of last night crying, then I had to get up way too early.

Tomorrow school starts again.... I'm SO not excited for that.
I'm listening to good music though, so thats totally a plus :)

I love (almost) all of you!
ittyK

p.s. ASK QUESTIONS! please? *puppydog face*

Life...

...Is good. I'm kinda pissed at people who are judging me and being assholes, but there will always be people like that so what can I do?

I shadowed at a highschool yesterday. I really liked it, and I think I'll go there next year. :) I still have to check out other schools or my parents will be pissed :(

So, I know I make it seem like my life is awful but the point of this blog is to be able to say stuff I normally wouldn't. I know I have it pretty good, clean clothing, food, a family and friends.

But the reason I say this stuff here is because this blog was created so I could VENT about stuff. which would mean most of this stuff is negative.

If you are going to get pissed at me or judge me, don't read this. Honestly, if you do, you're not exactly one I would want to keep close.

I know this is coming across as bitchy, but I'm done with the hateful comments. Say what you want, I'm not going to change.

So, now I'm off my soap box. Sorry for that.

I love you all!
ittyK

Valentine's day.

February 14th rolls by again and again and every tome it sees me single. This is the first year, however, that this is really going to affect me. I don't know whether I want to do anything at all on that day. I'm planning on seeing my friend, but she'll have just gone to a dance and be andd full of stories about guys. Lovely. Being single has never *really* bothered me before.

The only relationship I've ever been in was a total mistake. He was an ass. It took me three days to realize this, six to break up with him. The only reason it was so long was because it was the weekend, so I didn't see him and I wasn't going to break up with him via text message.

This year, however, I'm thinking about how happy seem to be when they're with they're love. I know I probably don't deserve it, but I still want to be happy.

Thinking in circles. I can't concentrate.. I'm so tired...

I'm shadowing my BFF at West tomorrow so I'm pretty psyched for that. and I get my phone back for the day. God, I'm going to have so many texts... I had to turn of the alarm because it was driving my mom crazy and I had about 60 new messages and 4 missed calls. It'd only been taken for two days.

I really miss Anton and Jessie. And I miss having fun with them. And I miss having themto talk to. And I miss laughing with them. I miss being there for them when they needed it.

I'm really tired and i'm not thinking straight, I'm going to go to bed or something... Even though it's only 8 o'clock....

Nighty night my dears!
love,
ittyK

Poetry

These are just random poems I wrote. I would like if you would comment and tell me what you think. Thanks dears!

BREAK
Please forget me.
Please just let me fade.
Please let go of me.
Please don't remember.
Sorry I'm terrible to you.
Sorry I made you care for me.
Sorry I couldn't stop hurting you.
Sorry I pulled you back.
Sorry I'm an awful person.
Now the cuts run too deep.
Now that it's too late I talk.
Now the words flow from pen to page.
Now I give up. Give in. Give away.
If I died would you care?
If you did, I know I would.
If the time comes, who chooses?
If it's you, would you pick me?
If you don't I may as well die.
Forget. Fade. Release. Leave. Break.
Please?

Those People
There are the people
who you hear about on the news.
The ones who died
and nobody notices they're gone.
There are the people
Who you see on the TV
the ones who said goodbye
and put a bullet in their skull.
There are the people
who you hear gossip about.
The ones who hate everything.
With self-inflicted scars al over.
Then you stop and think.
Who will cry when you're gone?
Such morbid thoughts
are all I think about recently.
The worst part
is that they will care
they will notice and cry.
I will cause just as much pain in death.

<3Hell<3
Sinners go to hell?
Then that's where I'll go.
I don't believe, but I can tell
in heaven my face wont show.

Life
Life.
It's what gives.
It's what takes.
It's all a joke.
Joke's on you.

Random thoughts...
Depression
Compression
Intention
Confession
Cower
Tower
Flower
Power
Loosing
Choosing
Musing
Refusing

Blind sighted
What do you see in me?
What about me makes you care?
I know I seem scared, confused.
I put up these walls to keep you safe.
I close all the windows to my soul.
I lock all the doors to my mind.
But I left my poor heart unprotected.
You've all gotten in, and broken your piece.
But I picked up all the parts, pretend to be ok.
Healing is hard when wounds don't close.
I can't believe i'm still in love with you.
You are the reason I breathe, why I'm blind.
So here's what's left of my heart
Will you promise to be careful please?

yeah... the end! comment and say what you think! Be honest too, I don't care :)

I don't learn

So more on the alcohol thingy, So it was originaly two guys, one of whom I text and talk to (let's call him... John) and the other scares the shit out of me (let's pretend his name is Kyle). John was the one I texted and he talked to Kyle for me. Nothing really happened, and since Kyle scares me so much I was afraid to ask him, and I felt bad for bugging John so much. So I kinda let it drop.
Today I was walking to lunch and I saw Kyle. He stopped and asled me about it. It turns out he's pretty easy to talk to because he doesn't judge, but he's not that approachable. He is going to try to get me some kind of vodka or something.

Another thing happened. I was going to tell Rene about my cutting before she read the blog. Then I started telling her and then got scared like the pathetic coward I am. I tried to back ou tbut she went and read it. We had this long convresation and she shared a peom. It was called Wendy by Eric Breland.

"The problem with Wendy
Is that from an early age she learned
The word stop
Had an implied "Don't" in front of it
Now when she looks at her wists
She wonders if she'll ever be able to"

It made me sad that I had lied to her and it hurt that she wouldn't get angry, but she made a good point. Being angry is just a way to cover up sadness. Then she told me about her relastionship (or 'tissuebox' because relationship sounds old XD) and how she pushed her boyfriend away because she wanted him to do the same. She said she wishes she hadn't. She said that the reason she did it was because she was afraid to say what she needed to say. She asked me what I needed to say.

I don't know. I just want the pain to stop. I just don't want to care anymore. I think if everybody hated me I wouldn't have to. I would have nobody to care about. Nobody would care about me. I would stop hurting everyone else.

But I really don't know. I'm the kind of person who would die without people. Except that they kill me... :-/ life is a confusing piece of shit. It would be much better for everyone if I had never been born...
I don't want to die because that would hurt people (unfortunately!)

I REALLY want my phone back but I can't complain! It's difficult and my parents are full of BS.

I love you all muchly!
ittyK

Scars

I feel bad. I told them i would stop. I promised.
Rene, please forgive me? I didn't want to hurt you so I lied.... Now I feel awful.

I cut.
Not with a razor, with a knife, and not on my wrists. I don't do it much but I do have a few scars on my ankle. I cut a little heart into it at one point. The last time it happened was two nights ago, but before that the last time was several months ago. I feel so bad. I promised Rene and Leslie I would stop when it happened the first time. Actually, that wasn't the first time. I told them it was though.
I don't do it because I'm the steriotypical 'I hate my life' emo. I'm not going to make up excuses; I do it because I'm masochistic. I like the pain. It doesn't hurt that much when it happens, but afterwards I have problems walking down stairs or running.
I know it's incredibly stupid and dangerous and all that shit, and I'll try to stop-I am trying.
I feel bad for letting it go so long, for lying, keeping secrets and then getting pissed and hurt when I find out others have been doing the same. I'm such a hypocrite. I lecture people on how bad alcohol is, then go in search of my own buzz. I get angry when people use the word "gay" like it's a bad thing, but I do the same thing with the word "retarded". I don't like when people worry about me, yet I'm constantly worrying about everyone else.
So please, could someone hate me for saying all this? Cuold somebody get angry, and make me hurt? It would deffinately be easier then accepting me. On both of us.
So please push me away?

I love you, just not myself.
ittyK

Apart at the seems

So the drinking thing didn't work. meaning, I never actually got anything. So I'm asking another friend that I can actually trust more.... Should I be ashamed? I think I should and I am a little but only because I'm hurting other people. Not because I'm hurting myself. I only have five minutes left of lunch so I'll post more later tonight I just wanted to say:

Anton I miss you :( You never replied to me on Facebook and I can't text you. I just want to know if you're ok... I love you with my WHOLE FUCKING HEART!

If you have anything comment and I'll answer or something :)
Love,
ittyK

Sorry

Sorry for letting you down. Sorry for breaking your heart. Sorry I'm not trying hard enough. Sorry I can't help you. Sorry I've done wrong. Sorry I can't let you go. Sorry I wont move on. Sorry I'm such a bad daughter, sister, friend. Sorry I make you worry. Sorry I make you scared. Sorry you care. Sorry I've lied. Sorry I cared.

Sorry I can't be perfect. Sorry thats what you deserve. Sorry I keep on letting you down. Sorry I can't be better. Sorry I wont. Sorry I try. Sorry for wanting to be someone else. Sorry I can't be you. Sorry I'm miserable. Sorry I make you cry. Sorry I make you laugh. Sorry you are helpless. Sorry I can't get you out of my mind. Sorry I'm dragging you down.

Sorry that I hope. Sorry that I love. Sorry I wish. Sorry I can't help it. Sorry I don't want to. Sorry it makes you sad. Sorry it lets you down. Sorry I can't look back. Sorry my future is black. Sorry I'm scared. Sorry I'm confused. Sorry I'm hurt. Sorry I'm angry. Sorry I felt good. Sorry you couldn't. Sorry I didn't help.

Sorry for life. Sorry for death. Sorry for the past. Sorry for the future. Sorry for what is happening now. Sorry for everything in between. Sorry for ruining it for you. Sorry for getting in the way. Sorry for backing out. Sorry for my mistakes. Sorry I let you go. Sorry I held on. Sorry for the empty promises. Sorry for getting your hopes up. Sorry for letting you down. Sorry I let everybody down.

Sorry for everything.

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”

Quote by Friedrich Nietzsche.

How does one earn trust? I don't know. I don't make people earn it, I just give it to them. My fatal flaw. Even if they prove to be untrustworthy I trust them. Until they hurt me too much. Then I throw them out. I hurt them back. I tell myself it was them, but I know it was me.
And when you trust someone with your life, what do you do when you find out they don't trust you? I'm not talking about little things, like who they like, but big things. Big life-changing things. And they've been keeping it from you. Do you still trust them? They should trust you too, but they didn't hurt you, they just don't trust you.
I'm tired. Thinking in circles. Sick. Cold. Confused. Angry. Hurt. Betrayed.
Why?
Why couldn't you tell me?
What did I do wrong?
Don't you know I would never hurt you?
Betray you?
But you did it to me....
I know you didn't want to. Thats what happens quite a bit. You've broken my heart too many times. I've forgiven you. But again and again, I know I should stop. I can't take the pain. But I can't.
I love you too much.
You say you love me too.
Why don't you prove it to me? Stop lying. Stop cheating. Stop hurting me.
Please?

Sorry. Ugh! I feel like shit. I have the worst allergies and they are REALLY acting up! plus my super-annoying super-strict parents took away my phone for a month. Why? I was eating chocolate in my room. I managed, though, to get it down to 2 weeks. That is, if I don't complain. I don't know how easy that would be for me. :-/

Yeah... I'm going to be done with my pointless ramblings... Thanks if you actually read what I post!

Love,
ittyK

Something good this way come

So someone asked me to post some good things about myself so... Yeah

I'm fairly pretty and my eyes are awesome!
I'm smart
I'm very loyal
I'm a pretty good friend
I've got clothing, food, a roof over my head, a caring family and amazing friends!
I'm good at keeping secrets =]
I stand up for what I believe in (cheesy, I know)
I will do anything to keep people from being sad
I put others first (wait... is that good?)


And yeah... Stuff... Ha so anything else you want to know just comment and ask!

Thanks!
~ittyK

The monster in me

It's a dementer. Sorry for the HP refrence, but it's true. I make people around me hurt. I make them unhappy. The worse part is, I don't care. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and I don't want to see them hurt, but when they are I always manage to look the other way.
Everybody used to tell me I was empithetic. They said it was good. It broke my heart everytime. When somebody was in pain, I felt it to. I became so sick of letting everyone get in my head, pushing my thoughts around, covering them and making me forget them. I've become so involved with thier pain, I don't think of myself anymore. At least, thats how it was.
Now I don't care about anyone but five or so of my closest friends. I don't even care about what they think of me though. And I can't care about myself because I've lost so much of who I am before, I don't know what to do.
But what can I do? The world keeps spinning, the sun keeps rising, and every one else goes on with their day. I'm slipping.
one day I'm going to get caught in all the lies I've told others to make themselves feel good. And the whole time I was wearing a mask to make you think I was fine. I had the smiles painted on. Inside, I was crying, my heart was breaking,and I wasn't okay.
Then I decided to give up. It wasn't worth the pain. Now I'm trying not to care. It hurts, but not as much as caring. I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I don't know what to do.
I don't know who I am. Not that I ever did.

Fixing the below post

So I'm not planning to drink too much or get addicted. I hope! *fingers crossed* and saying I was pathetic for not drinking, thats not exactly accurate either. I've been really tempted lately and I don't think all temptations are bad. I mean, I know it's bad to drink at a young age but I don't think it's really all that bad either. I don't know. But it's not because I'm trying to look cool or anything.

Yeah, I'm stupid

So I'm 14 and I haven't tasted alcohol. I don't know about you, but on my book it's fucking pathetic. I've given up on my parents giving me any- not that I was ever on that- and stopped being a coward. Two days ago, I texted a friend asking if I could get any from them. They said no. Today, however, they took me aside and asked me what kind of alcohol I was thinking. I told him to get me something good. Then they asked me how much I was willing to pay. I said the ammount, and they gave me a friends number.
I know, I'm pretty stupid for doing that and half the people who know me that read this will get pissed. I don't care. It's my life.
So I texted the friend and ever since they've been saying shit about making me "cum all night long" and licking my ass. I stopped texting them back.
I only have one more thing to say now:

I'm sorry. Sorry I'm disapointing you. Don't lie. I know I am. I just don't care any more.

Family and 'friends'

Family: My mom and I are always butting heads! she doesn't get that I'm not her and I do things differently. She goes to bed early and gets up early, I go to bed late and get up late. She does everything first then rests, I procrastinate but still manage to make my work good. She likes clean, I like dirty. She tries to shelter me way to much! both my parents do. I'm not allowed to see rated R movies. I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless I know the exact plan (who I'm with, what we're doing EVERYTHING) I'm not allowed to hang out with certain people. I can't go out after dark. I can't listen to loud music (which I do anyways) I'm not allowed to wear certain things (which I do anyways) it's a fucking hell! I know they do it for my own good and all that shit, but seriously? They don't know when to step back. i'm growning up, and I deserve more freedom then this. As for me and my sister? well, whenever we actually talk (or shout) it's fighting. Mostly we shut ourselves away in our rooms. Oh yeah, she sings. Like, constantly belt out verses from various musicals. She has a pretty voice and all, but I don't think anyone could live with her and not want to rip out her goddamn vocal cords.

Friends: I had two BEST friends last year, and they both changed schools this year. I hardly ever see Rene because she's always buried in homework and Leslie just lives too damn far away! I call Leslie a fair bit but we never really talk about anything... As for Rene, I text her a bit and I still tell her a lot but we don't actually see eachother. So now who am I left with? The rest of the stupid annoying assholes in my class. There's only a few people I could actually stand to be around for a long period of time. One of them has total mood changes though. one moment he's histerically funny the next he's acting like he's the fucking ruler of the world. I HATE people like that! They. Are. The. Worst. Then there's another girl who I really like and I think we could be friends but she's new and so I don't really know her that well, and I'm not that excited about getting to know new people. I guess I should though.... And the last person I actually like is this girl who is iseperable with one of the dumbest people I have ever met. The rest are either stupid, rude, annoying, or just not really long-term-friend material.

Stupid stupid boys

yeah, the tittle kinda gives it away. So lets start from the begining. I'm 14, he's 17. I'm in UT he's in NM. already bad, right? Well it gets worse. So we've been friends for 6 or 7 years, and last time I saw him (over winter break) I may have fallen for him a liitle (that is, if you make a little completly...) Then he goes back home after two weeks. And the most wonderful (not) thing happens: He tells me he's gay.
now don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against gays. The fact that he's my friend is not changing just because of his sexual preference. it's just that, like I said before, I'd fallen in love.
So I break down. I'm crying and all that shit but I manage to tell him that I had feelings for him.
We're really good friends and I knew that it wouldn't kill our relationship if I did, but then he told me (drumroll everybody!) He might like me back too. And now he was confused. And I felt like shit.
then I go off to Costa Rica for three weeks with only limited access to the internet. I come back and pretty much the day after, we break up. Or, as close to breaking up as we can get because we were never actually together. We decide to move on. He gets along right away, flirting with his friend Kyle but me? Thats only one of the reasons I hate the school I go too. Tiny private school with absolutely no cute boys that are in my league.
could my life get worse? No. I'm already fighting with my parents constantly and I have no friends in my class. All the real ones moved away. My dog is old and sick and I'm really scared for him. My sister comes back tomorrow which just means more fighting in my already hostile household.
Yeah. Life is *wonderful*.

So if you have any questions or anything you want to hear more about you can ask in the comments or something... I dunno how this normaly goes =]
THANKS! ~ittyK