Monday, August 30, 2010

Dear Dr. Laura

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,

I thought this was really funny, so I had to share it.
I'm done posting for today now! :)

The little dog's emotions

They are his own. You cannot control his laughter. :)

He would say he was okay
He would always lie this way
He had always felt so lost
He forgot he had a heart
He wanted someone to help
He didn't know it was okay to ask
He wished he knew
He wondered what he was and who
He thought death would end the pain
He didn't know people would feel that way
He was gone, they were sad
He'd hurt them oh so bad
He didn't even want to know
He just got lost in the flow
He's now gone, and her heart aches
He thought he was stopping the breaks
He had just caused more pain
He just made it rain, rain, rain
He would say he was okay
He would always lie this way
He always felt so lost
He'd forgot he had a heart

You can use me
You can't break me
You can play me
You can't fake me
You can try me
You can't take me
You can kick me
You can't shake me
You can hold me
You can't do me
You can lie to me
You can't fool me
You can touch me
But not truly
You can order me
You can't rule me
You can tell me
You can't show me
You can ask me
You can't know me
You can push me
You can't throw me
You can help me
You can't grow me
I am weak
I am strong
I let go
I hold on
I break down
I move on
I am still here
But I'm long gone

Now, poems by a Salamander! They are truly amazing. :)

"this isn't my form."
"i don't know. I need to know. I don't belong."
"you do. You always do. You make the other children jealous"
"i don't mean to. They are just slower"
"slower to dream?"
"slower to dream, slower to see..."
"slower to be."
"lost in wonderland..."
"you have not your mind."
"seeing the branches..."
"finding your kind."
"always the sun."
"always a thief."
"casting a shadow."
"beyond belief."

Thick strobe-lights invade my space
A frightening myth by the human race
Heaven calls to me and says
"please come, for now you're dead
You must think it's just your head
But i assure you, you are quite dead"
"no!" i say, and i say it well
"i'm leaving now, i shall not dwell!
Leave me be, with all your light,
You frighten me, beyond the quite!"
"fine, you blibbering blabbering swine!
Without you, we'll do just fine.
So float around in outer-space,
Ignore your kind
And creed
And race!
Goodbye forever, tiny being,
Just try and go without meaning!"
Luminescent, terrible
Heaven's just unbearable
Heaven, heaven,
Go away
Don't come back
Another day.

I see these branches bare,
And wild eyes--blue and fair
I feel the wind off beating wings
And striking plumage made for kings
But most of all i feel the soul
The shake and hum and baw and roll
Ragmatical like this and that
Wild as an avadat

A bird of such stature
The great fly-catcher
By the body-snatcher
Taken by a strange obsession
To say words with such aggression
Repeat again
Say it to the wind my friend
Took her hold
As i was told
Oh so cold

They were for a school project we did and they are fabulous. :)

Any-who, lots have happened. I started school! It's actually quite fun. I've been making friends pretty easily like I always do, I'm struggling in math, like I always do... MEH! haha

Me and chucky broke up *tear tear*. but that's okay, I guess.

I don't want to be with quin any more but the only times I can see him are once a week on thursdays when I visit realms. BLEH!

I'm too tired to think right now. :)

eat cake.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Oh dear lord...

Hello, friends! :)

So, last week was the last week of YTU (tears!) so I was busy with performances and stuff. On Wednesday, the plays were It's a Good Life, Charlie Brown which was slightly terrible but one of my friends was in it and she was pretty good, then there was The Crucible, which was incredibly depressing, but Ben was in it and so was a super sexy German. It was really awesome. Then they put on Exit the King which was hysterical but then it got really depressing and freaky really fast... So it was good :) The next night they did plays that I don't remember Then the last night, my group performed and did very well, according to people, and the it was Hamlet which had most of my friends in it, including my new gay bff (sorry Anton! I still love you with all my heart!)and then there was some stupid thing with vampires and werewolves, which I didn't see (thank god) and then a creepy musical, a play about censorship that was freaking hilarious and the melodrama which was some funny cheesy detective comedy thing :)

So after the plays on Thursday and Wednesday some of us got Andrew and Laurent to make out for chocolate and I got a video the second time and they were super into it and I think they should get together. but the second night we were all really caught up in the moment and I ended up making out with Ben's girlfriend and Ben was right there and it was slightly awkward at first but then he hugged me and told me i'd made his life complete. They are an odd couple. Anyways, at the afterparty on Friday we started making out again and Ben took pictures this time and put them on Facebook (after asking us both if it was okay and making the pics only visable to me, him and Alex.) But then my parents read through my texts and got fairly pissed (not as much as I would have thought) and all they really did was dissable my Facebook. I wouldn't even mind that much but that was the only way I could contact my elsa bear TEARS!

On Saturday, I went to a goodbye party for one of my YTU friends who was moving too Portland and it was pretty boring until Aaron put a grapefruit down his pants on a dare and couldn't get it out. Then when he finally got it out (only after Annie took some really funny pics) he chucked it into the street and it broke and Kirby tried to throw it at him and ended up hitting me which kinda turned into an epic grapefruit battle. Twas very fun.

So on Thursday, I found out that Quin was busted for something and he is now under house arrest or something like that and it pissed me off quite a bit, I don't exactly know why, but I decided that I'm going to stay with Chucky instead.

So now I am done.
Eat cake.
I love you!

Monday, August 2, 2010

sleep deprived and too damn hot

I fucking hate Summer. With a passion. It is quite literaly hell. I really don't have much to say but I figured I should try to get back in the habit of posting regularly, so here is a poem for you!

With tears in her eyes
she whispers I'm fine
but you know that she's not okay

There's no turning back
once you've turned away
so choose carefully what you say

The hurt she holds back
fights and attacks
and she's dying to show her real face

The worst part of all
nobody catches her fall
and she throws up those walls in disgrace

Stone by stone, brick by brick
help her out through thin and thick
and hold her head up high

Because my hurt is so much
I won't let anyone touch
or help me when I cry

I'll try to hold my ground
I'll try to turn you around
I won't give in without a fight

I don't want to be alone
nor do I want to sit on any throne
I just want to know someone cares

I will play hard to get
but it's not over yet
So please, would you just be there?

So now I'm going to go sleep.... or something.

eat cake.