Tuesday, February 22, 2011


just sayin'

Friday, February 18, 2011

Fool, Rage, Maniac.

How fitting for me.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Lolipops and cigarettes

Random thoughts of a crazy brain.

I'm the worst person to fall in love with. I promise I'll only break your heart.

The way I love is the way one would burn candles. At first, there's barely a flame then it gets hotter and hotter and hotter and then the wax has melted and there is nothing anymore. You can't even relight the wick, no matter how much you want to. No matter how much you try.

Seemed like a good idea at the time....

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I hate you.

I feel like I'm broken. Oh dear....

So, yesterday morning I was walking. Then I slipped on ice. It fucking hurt.

Today Jack and I were in English class and he was like, "This story is so gay!" And I stabbed him in the arm with my pen and now he's pissed at me. :D

"The silence isn't so bad 'till I look at my hands and feel sad, 'cuz the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly."

Go away....
I think everybody in this fucking school needs to leave me alone. GAH! ha, dear lordy...

Today I'm gonna see my SydnieBear! yaaaaaay!!!!!!!!! :D!!!!!!!!!!
and there's going to be a chocolate fountain.

I really need to sleep. My brain is exploding into a bajillion pieces and then burning up and then all the ashes are clumping together in a deformed lump and freezing. It's terrible.

Y'all should eat cake!
Yes... I did just say y'all. I give you permission to shoot me now.
And you should fly!
I love you!

Friday, February 11, 2011


Fuck you! stop it!

No. NO I don't love you. I never will. So give up. GOD DAMN IT GIVE UP! I know how you feel about me and I love you as nothing more than a sister. Fuck.... I'm such a coward. This will hurt you so badly if you realize it's for you but I'm too fucking scared to say it to your face. I never would be able to do shit for you and this just proves it.

Go away..... Go away! Go away! GO AWAY!

I'm sorry, love, but I've become the type of person who doesn't consider how others feel. I've become the kind of person that will spit you out once you get too close and you, my love, have gotten far too close. I'm sorry.

Besides, I love someone else. It isn't you. Sorry.

I love you. I guess.
But I love myself more.
I'm a fucking selfish coward.
I want you to cry when you read this because then you'll be able to accept that this is how it is. I want to hurt you so you go away because I don't want to get hurt in the end. I want to hurt you now so we can always live our lives thinking what if? What if I had loved you? What if I hadn't hurt you? What if I'd been a better person? What if what if what if?
I'll tell you what if. We would've fallen apart anyway and it would've hurt even more than the tears falling down your face now.
Are you even crying?
Do you realize this is for you?
Please do.
Cry now.

I'm such a terrible person, aren't I? I am. I want to hurt the ones I love so they can't love me back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

I keep apologizing, but I'm not sure I mean it. I know it's for the best so it's okay, right?

What if....

Thursday, February 3, 2011

One year

One full year of having this blog. Yay? Haha, I guess.

I've officially gone insane

What if life just went away? Just... Gone? But thats can't happen, can it? Because matter cannot be created or destroyed, right? So what if we took all the matter and made it into something else? What if we completely encased the earth in a cement like thing? Just a giant ball of cement, floating in outer space... We wouldn't be able to see it, but don't you think it'd be so lovely? Completely untouched by everything, any form of life, just floating randomly in space. I think it would be incredible. I would love to be a single person, wandering that blank cement planet. I would be completely, utterly alone. Just me and nothing. And then when i get hungry and i can't go on, i could just jump and i would float away. Wouldn't that be lovely? Just floating in space, forever preserved, above the loneliest planet? One wouldn't know it, as they'd be dead and once one is dead it's hard to know anything because they are dead, but it would be a beautifully sad sight. Perhaps it would be on the wedding day of a bride, when everything else melted into an unliving planet, and she wanders the earth, or what was the earth, singing a lovely song about everything bad, scary and wrong, and then she jumped. Can you imagine the beauty of that? A single beautiful person, dressed in beautiful clothing, whispering her lullaby so sad and sweet, the words frozen on her lips for all eternity. Oh, the beauty! And what if there is something somewhere else that finds the cement planet and the frozen lullaby bride. What thoughts would cross their mind? Would they be sacred? Would they take the bride in and chop her up until they see fit, or would they leave her floating above her lonely planet? And what of the planet? Would they shave and cut and hammer at the cement until they crack it's perfectly smooth surface? Would they dig under until they find whatever's left of the once-alive earth? And what would they call such a place? Where would they be from and where would they go? My beautiful bride, all cut into pieces would know, but she would not... Could not ever say. This lonely planet, so cold and alone, is something that should never be found. Locked away in the darkest corner of the ever-expanding universe. Kept hidden from everything that could harm it and it's frozen lullaby bride of a moon. Kept secret. Left alone. Too beautiful and sad for anyone to see, for nobody's ready to see. If it were there, they'd close their eyes. Wouldn't you do the same, if you weren't part of the planet? Something so terrifying and mysterious would surely cause doubt, confusion, panic. A message, perhaps, from the unexisting gods? A warning about the next three end of the world predictions? Nobody knows. Nobody will know. This earth continues to live, and our bride now sings merrier songs as she awaits her groom.
Why can't something as perfect as this be real?

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Undaunted by Cheri Magill

Before I'd ever seen your eyes
Before I'd even recognize
Before you ever came into view
Somehow I already missed you
Until the winters days came
Until I heard you call my name
Until you said you would wait for me
I didn't know what love could be
With courage I have never seen
You remain a mystery
Daring to fight when you may not succeed
You have risked your everything
Betting on me
You're undaunted
Always undaunted
When I've spread myself to thin
When my pride is caving in
When I am the only one to blame
Somehow you remain the same
No matter what today will bring
No matter tomorrow's dream
No matter what we may go through
I'll never loose my faith in you
With courage I have never seen
You remain a mystery
Daring to fight when you may not succeed
You have risked your everything
Betting on me
You're undaunted
Always undaunted
With courage I have never seen
You remain a mystery
Daring to fight when you may not succeed
You have risked your everything
Betting on me
You're undaunted
Always undaunted

Undaunted, cheri magill <3

Love that song!