Friday, February 11, 2011


Fuck you! stop it!

No. NO I don't love you. I never will. So give up. GOD DAMN IT GIVE UP! I know how you feel about me and I love you as nothing more than a sister. Fuck.... I'm such a coward. This will hurt you so badly if you realize it's for you but I'm too fucking scared to say it to your face. I never would be able to do shit for you and this just proves it.

Go away..... Go away! Go away! GO AWAY!

I'm sorry, love, but I've become the type of person who doesn't consider how others feel. I've become the kind of person that will spit you out once you get too close and you, my love, have gotten far too close. I'm sorry.

Besides, I love someone else. It isn't you. Sorry.

I love you. I guess.
But I love myself more.
I'm a fucking selfish coward.
I want you to cry when you read this because then you'll be able to accept that this is how it is. I want to hurt you so you go away because I don't want to get hurt in the end. I want to hurt you now so we can always live our lives thinking what if? What if I had loved you? What if I hadn't hurt you? What if I'd been a better person? What if what if what if?
I'll tell you what if. We would've fallen apart anyway and it would've hurt even more than the tears falling down your face now.
Are you even crying?
Do you realize this is for you?
Please do.
Cry now.

I'm such a terrible person, aren't I? I am. I want to hurt the ones I love so they can't love me back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

I keep apologizing, but I'm not sure I mean it. I know it's for the best so it's okay, right?

What if....

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