Thursday, July 29, 2010

fun stuff :)

Today has been fabulous :D

I snuck out of my house at midnight and I walked down to the Westminster college campus and met up with my yummy Quin (he cut his hair and it's all short and curly and adorable ^^) and then we hung out and smoked a bit and such and it was fun :)

Then I got home about... 1:00? and I fell asleep and maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was high, but I had a fabulous dream :D

So, I have been really busy with theater but I'm super excited to go shopping with my lovely anton and then go see a crappy local band concert.... haha it will be fun.
That's also my sister's birthday. she is turning 16 in 2 days... it's kinda odd...

I turn 15 in a month and two weeks :D I'm excited!

I really love my theater group. it's me, Autumn (an AWESOME girl whose going to school with me next year) Annie, (a tiny asian chick whose really dramatic and awesome) Vannessa (dumb blonde, but really sweet) Jaxon and Josh who both have a crush on me I think... it's awkward since I really don't like either of them like that. Today me Jaxon and Autumn were doing a scene and I was filming and Jaxon put on one of those trash covers and he was pretending to be someone dressed up like R2D2but he ended up looking like a giant dildo XD

Also, today was one of my other YTU friend's bday so we all went down to The Pie and ate food and I made a cake for her and we tried being clean but it failed epically and I was super ninja and caught it before it killed Autumn's pants and it was awesome.

And even the bitchy teacher was nice to me! YAY!!!! :D

Eat cake!

Monday, July 26, 2010


I really miss people. Hell, everybody. Sydnie, Chucky, Quin, Alex, Jessie, Elsa, GAH!

What is wrong with me? Why is my brain so messed up? I kinda hoped that my pills would fix everything. Poof! I'm better. They work okay, I guess. I'm not quite as suicidal as before, and I guess that was the point....

I went up to my friend's grandparent's cabin in the mountains over the weekend. It was fun. On the 24th of July a lot of people came up and got really drunk and sang and played guitar. :)

I am so fucking exhausted! I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in three weeks, since theater started.

Can I curl up and sleep forever? Then I'm not dead but I don't have to deal with people any more. I think it would work out :)

I've been in a really shitty mood lately. Chucky's going out of town on wednesday and she's busy from now until then and I really need to talk to her or whatever but I can't and BLEH!!!!!!!!!!!

I want my bears.

I feel like crying. I don't even know why.

Haha I finished watching FMA and oh my god it is so awesome! In the manga version, they didn't have Al and May falling in love but they included it in the anime and it made me happy. and kinda creeped out since she's like... 10 and he's 14.... but thats okay. it was cute. :)

sooo... I think I'm going to take a nap now since my brain is shriveling up. Or maybe I shall watch DeathNote. :D

Eat cake.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

And she said stop.
And he didn’t listen.
And she cried.
And he didn’t care.
And she fought.
And he fought harder.
And she died.
And he buried her.
And she’s gone.
And he pretended to care.
And she knows.
And he doesn’t.
And she can’t forgive him.
And he won’t let her.
Because she said stop.
Because he didn’t listen.
Because it all ended wrong.

When I can tell you are upset and not telling me why it hurts
When you are crying inside, but won’t let me in it hurts.
When you are drowning but you won’t grab the lifeline I throw it hurts.
When I see you falling but you won’t hold on it hurts.
When we are one but you are another it hurts.
When your world burns and you keep throwing oil it hurts.
When you can’t breathe and won’t let me touch you it hurts.
When you hold my heart in your hands and don’t even realize it hurts.
When I mean nothing to you it hurts.
When you ignore me it hurts.
When you lie it hurts.
When you don’t care it hurts.
When I know it makes you happy it hurts.
When I know it makes you happy it’s okay.

All I have
Are memories
And they
Make reality
Even more

You wondered
I cut
I do
In the end
Deserves happiness
Is good

These scars
I am
I’ve become
I’m loosing

I don’t
Of this
And it will
Go away
I need it to

Are all
I have
Too much

Eat cake.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


....That was me explodig from lack of sleep and stress and a whole lot of shit. :)

Let's see... Last post was about that day I snuck off with Quin. I was going to go to talk to him because I want to straighten it all out but that didn't work out and I ended up getting high and losing my social abilities for a really long time.

I'm starting to think that after all this shit I should just break up with both Quin and Chucky, but I don't know if I actually will.

I am going to break up with Chucky either way, I think. I just feel like after treating her like shit, even if she doesn't know it, I'm just not worth it. Well, I know I'm not. I haven't been able to see her though and even if I were heartless enough to break up with her via text I don't have my phone. It got taken yet again when I was a bitch to my dad. I get it back on Sunday though :)

I don't know if I'll break up with Quin or not though... I know some of my friends *coughcoughANTONcoughcough* don't like him because of drugs and such but I like him... It's weird though becuase I don't even know where I stand with him. Bleh. Plus my parents are going to talk to him and his parents about 'the rules' and shit and it's going to be mortifying as fuck.

Anton is in town and it's a tiny bit awkward especially since my parents think I still waqnt to fuck him and I think he does too but I don't. I pinky promise :D

So I've been going to theater school and there's this guy there who is really hot and I'd screw him in a second but he has a girlfriend and they're, like, the really cute emo* couple and she's really sweet. But the other day I found out that she's cheating on him and I was completely shocked because they are always together and they always seem so happy when they're together and it just came out of nowhere.... Anyways, he really loves her and doesn't want to leave her but everybody is saying that even though she's really sweet, she's not worth it and today I *think* he was flirting with me in front of her to make her jealous and it made me sad.

So, this whole thing with Ben (mr.emo*) and Alex (ms.emo*) made me realize what I would be doing to Chucky which is why I decided to dump her. That sounds slightly harsh but.... meh!

I met this girl in YTU (Youth Theater at the U) and she's really awesome and we became pals and then the other day I FOUND OUT SHE'S GOING TO THE SAME SCHOOL I AM GOING TO NEXT YEAR!!!!!!!!!! It made my life better haha :D

So, this post has kinda been long but there's a lot of stuff happening and such so yeah :)

Lots of love to you all!
Eat cake!
Fly! (hahaha, Cindy XD)

*They are technically goth, but they are often mistaken for emo and I tease them about it. :D