Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I really don't understand

Why? Why the hell are you beating yourself over me? Why are you getting so fucking depressed? Why do all of them do that?
Sage, Jake, Graham...
All those people who I lead on and drop. Don't they know I'm just a bitch? Don't they know I never had any intention of doing shit? WHAT THE HELL?!

Ah well. I just don't fucking get it. I'm not that great. Definitely not worth all the bull shit they put themselves through over me. Whatever, though.

I'm supposed to be working but I really don't want to so I'm not. Actually, I'm not supposed to be working 'cause I'm done. I just don't want to bring it up because then I'll have to work. Ah, well.

So, people are really REALLY fucking stupid. And I hope the person this is directed to is reading this, but before hand I must apologize to them. I'm going to be really fucking honest and bitchy about what I think about all this shit you're doing.

First, you met your BOYFRIEND maybe one or two weeks ago. You might be fucking pregnant. You're fucking 13! WHAT THE HELL? You say she didn't know him so he was never hers but you don't know him any fucking better. All you do with him is get high and fuck. REALLY?
Second, you like that other guy. You know what I think about him? He's a scared, good for nothing, naive asshole. He really is. So what if he let you stay over at his house? So what if he sung to you that night? SO FUCKING WHAT? He doesn't care about you. He cares about himself and nobody else. And you know it's true. And don't fucking say he cares about you because he really doesn't. He doesn't want to feel alone. He's using you. You know he is.
Third, do you fucking KNOW what you're doing to your BEST FRIEND? Not the one you're replacing her with, the one who actually fucking cares. You are fucking KILLING her! Do you have any idea how worried she is about you? Do you have any idea how hurt she is that you are the one who everyone loves and she's now the one in your shadow? Do you fucking know what your selfish behavior is doing to her? Fucking bitch.
Fourth, you're a fucking slut. So what if you lost your V card? (To someone you don't even fucking know, I may add) So what if guys like you? You think you're going to feel better if you throw yourselves at them and fuck until you get pregnant or get some STD? When that happens, I won't be there for you anymore. Neither will she. We won't feel sorry because we warned you plenty. We will be pissed because you didn't listen. We will be pissed because I just know you will turn around and find some way to blame us. We will be pissed because, after trying so fucking hard to save your life that night, you will try to kill yourself again and again until you succeed.
Stop being so ridiculous.
Stop fucking up your life so badly.
Stop blaming others.
just fucking stop.
Take a breath, look at what you want which is clearly just not to be alone. Then do something to fix it that won't fuck up your life.
I mean, really? You're being dumb.
You're being selfish, stupid and annoying.
I still love you, but you need to slow the hell down.


Anyway, I'm done now.
So eat cake or something.
And you should fly.
I love you!

p.s. I'm listening to Neon Trees and I SAW THEM LIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 11, 2011

I'm broken.

But it's okay.

Fuck me, my life has been insane!

I've broken a heart, I've talked my friend out of suicide, I've gotten high quite a few times, I've been to a few concerts, I've got a kind-of girlfriend, I've been backwards and upside down and I've cried myself to sleep and I've been in such a good mood that NOTHING can bring me down and everything has been screwed up and messed up and fucked up and high up and given up and fucking awesome and just... woah.

I have a Tumblr now, which I am using quite a bit more often than blogger. So, if you don't already, follow me. I like having followers. YAY! :)

So, right now I'm trying to ignore the fact that Sage looks like he wants to cry whenever he sees me, the fact that my honeybee is locked up somewhere and she can only write letters to communicate, the fact that Sarahi is upset (even though I really should be trying to help her) and everything and I'm trying to keep my happiness going for as long as I can. Because fucking Friday..... Was insane. And SO MUCH FUN! It was fabulously fabulous. Awesomely amazingly incredibly PERFECT in every fucking way EVER!

God.... I get ridiculously giddy when I just think about it. It involved a half hour of a mediocre band, a half hour of Neon Trees, and fucking two hours of My Chemical Romance and then two hours of cuddling with a GORGEOUS girl and then an hour of Dennys at two in the morning. IT WAS SO MUCH FUCKING FUN!


So, next week I get surgery and I'll be stuck in bed for, like, a week. Which will suck until Cheyenne, the most gorgeous girl EVER visits me =] I'm excited for that. =]

Now I am done being a spaz.
So good bye.
Eat cake
and fly