to much

I remember what I couldn't remember! haha
It was my fight with Leslie. Although she doesn't really realize it.

So last year, Leslie, Rene and I were insanly close. Then they moved to different schools. Rene lives fairly close, so I can see her all the time, but I hardly see Leslie. I still called and texted and IMed her all the time though. Last weekend she texted me and she seemed upset so I asked her what was up. She said she didn't want to talk about it, so I let it drop.
Yesterday (or maybe the day before?) I was texting her
Leslie: ok...
Me: Are you?
Leslie: What?
Me: Are you ok?
Leslie: no
Me: do you want to talk about it?
Leslie: no.
Me: ok
Leslie: its just that ive talked about it so much. im sorry. i have new friends now and ive changed
Me: ok
Leslie: ok
Then I stopped texting her. It really hurt me that she had basically said I had been replaced. Or maybe that's just me. Whatever though hahaha

(Friday now!)

Bigger shit has been happening.
Like Carmen attempting suicide.

Her on-off boyfriend since halfway through the first semester this year told her the only thing he loved was weed and he didn't love her and every time he said he had it had been a lie. So she took seven sleeping pills, passed out in the bathroom, hit her head on the edge of the tub and when she woke up she couldn't stand without fainting again.

Right before she ODed she sent me a text message saying that said she wasn't the cute funny girl everybody saw in her. She had lost that mask and she didn't want to go out in the world without it. The next flight she was going on would be either all she wanted or the worst thing ever, but she was willing to take the risk.

I started crying. I did not want to loose her. I texted her and called her but she never replied. The only reason I was even able to get out of bed the next day is because I knew that I would find out for sure what happened. I could hardly concenrate on my math. Then I saw her and it took everything I had to not run in and hug her. I. Was. So. Happy. No, I was beyond happy. Beyond ecstatic.

Before I never knew just how much she really meant to me. Now I know, and I'll never let her go. Ever. Or any of my friends for that matter.

I really love you all. You mean so much to me.
ittyK