Friday, March 12, 2010

2:30 am

I can't sleep, even though I'm so tired I'm shaking. Like shivering but it's not because I'm cold.

I'm scared.
I'm worried.
I'm confused.
I'm upset.
I'm angry.
I don't even know why.

I called Leslie later on. We talked for a while then she went to sleep. We didn't really talk about anything though. We are going to see eachother soon. Then I was texting Carmen and we kind of flirted for a while then she went to sleep.

I don't know what the point of this is.
I'm thinking in circles.
I'm dizzy and tired.

So much else has happened today but I don't know what to say about it. It's weird but not out of the ordinary. Ha I don't know what I'm saying. I don't ever.

I hate caring. I want to leave as soon as I'm old enough. Go to the East Coast. Maine, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, I dunno. Just away. Then I'm going to start over. I'm going to live on my own and not let anybody in. That way I'll stop hurting people and they'll stop hurting me. I just need to get out of here. A change of scene. I don't know.

I've officialy gone insane for the millionth time.

My brain is turning off and on onthe wrong things. I want to stop thinking about sad things. I want to be able to control myself better. That isn't going to happen.

I don't know.
I'm going to go off.... curl in a ball.... Pretend I'm the only person alive.... Maybe then I'll sleep.
Good night. Or morning. Or whatever.

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