Monday, March 15, 2010

descending into madness

Caring is stupid. Love is stupid. Hope is stupid. It's all just there to hurt more. A temporary high. Then you come back to real life, the love and hope are gone, and you're left with nothing but pain. And yet we keep coming back for more. Like a drug. It's there and it's good. You feel good. you feel happy. Then it goes away. You're left with what? Pain. Hurt. Loss. But you want that feeling of happiness again.
It's fake. There's no such thing as happiness.
pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. Happiness, bliss, contentment, felicity imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good: the happiness of visiting one's family. Bliss is unalloyed happiness or supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity is a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a young couple felicity in life.
But our situation is worth many tears.
I don't get it.
I want it.
I've never had it.
Give up on me.
Let me fall.
Let me drown in my pain.
Let me fade into the background.
Let me stop.
I don't want to care.
I don't want to love.
I want to let go.
Stop hurting.
I hate confusion.
i hate pain.
I'm going crazy.

I was just kinda going insane. I'm good now though haha.
I miss people. Really really really badly. But I'm kinda ok. Ha I've got a lot of homework but I'm tired and I want to go to sleep even though it's only 6-ish. Oh it's so cold! Ha not much has really happened but I dunno.

OHYEAH!!! so I'm doing a research paper on what makes people gay (if it's biological, if it has anything to do with the environment they were raised in or whatever) so if you are homosexual and you want to help me out with my project you should email me (yes I know it's lame but I made it a while ago haha)
So yeah...

I have nothing else to say.
I love you!

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