I feel really wierd right now. I started thinking of someone and I got really nervous for no reason.
'Max' is being really nice and funny and I thought I was over him and I guess I was but now.... I don't know. I'm just crazy. Insane. Whatever.
I undertand you.
I remain silent because I can't hurt you.
I know it's what makes you happy.
I wish you would do it too.
It's what makes me happy.
It's just the way I deal with things.
So stop your hypocracy.
It's just driving me insane.
And I truly love you
I promise I always will
But when you allow yourself to hurt
I can't stand it.
And I remain silent because I know it's what makes happy.
It's tearing me apart.
You of all people should know
What it is like to watch someone you love destroy themselves.
It hurts so bad.
Don't do this to me.
Thats one I wrote the other night.
You let me in your mind
You showed me who you were
I got scared.
I tried to run.
I ended up hurting you.
I always do.
You just need someone who its you.
I love you, but that person isn't me.
I only hurt myself.
I don't kill myself.
Kinda along the same lines, but I wrote that one last night.
I'm insane. I can't think straight. My brain keeps running in circles and it's so dizzying and terrifying and maddening...
I got into a fight with Anton the other night. Then we talked about it and it got better. Then I read his blog and I got mad again. Then we... I dunno. We kinda ignored it. I'm scared because I think if we just ignore all our problems then in the end it'll all overflow and we'll fall apart. There are so many things I want to tell him about how I feel, I'm just scared of hurting him or loosing him. UGH!!!!
It's really hot in the computer lab at my school so I may post more later when my brains aren't overheating and I can actually think.
Lots of love!
Dewey, my online/texting buddy's bf has cancer. She was called out of class today because her mom wanted to tell her that his tumor has shrunk a LOT! I'm REALLY happy for her right now! :)