Numb

Hope is useless.
All it does is hurt.
Love is useless.
All it does is hurt.
Wishes are useless.
All they do is hurt.
Dreams are useless.
All they do is hurt.
Everything is useless.
All it does is hurt.
Hope and Love and wishes and dreams
Give you an unrealistic view of reality.
They make you happy
But only momentarily
Because then they crash
And burn
And hurt

When everything is useless
It means you and me are too
Because we are
Because all anybody ever does
Is hate
Is hurt
Is lie
Is steal
Is break
And we pretend we don’t

I cannot understand
Why people want perfection
It is simply hope
It only wishes
It’s just a dream
Because you cannot be perfect
Stop pretending you are
You are just making a fool
Of yourself and everyone else
The ones who believe you
The ones who can’t think for themselves
The ones who can’t see through your lies

All anybody does is lie
Nobody knows the truth
Only what they think is the truth
But it’s always a lie
It’s just what they want to believe
It is all you want
To be wrapped away in a lie

Some have it worse than others
Some truly believe they are the best
Some only hurt others
To make them feel better
To make them seem stronger
To make themselves seem best

I am tired
Of these lies
Of these broken promises
Of the stupid dreams
Of these pointless wishes
Of this useless love
Of this meaningless belief
Of everything

I want to hurt everybody
I want to make them go away
I want to feel alone
I want to stop ruining everything
I want to do something to make it better

So if you are reading this
So if you can hear my voice
So if you try to see into my eyes
I will close
I am going to stop
I won’t be open
I will not tell my feelings
I wish to close my life into darkness
Then nobody can see me
And nobody can touch me
And nobody will want to.

So put away the light
It’s just being wasted
Put away the lies and hate
It’s just hurting yourself
Put away yourself
Fold into nothing
Hide from everything
Just stop being stupid
You know you don’t matter
You know you never will
Stop pretending you do
Stop making yourself feel good

I feel like these words are negative
I believe they are
But the ‘truth’ hurts
And it would
If it existed
If it wasn’t simply opinion
If it was only real

Sometimes I wish
Sometimes I catch myself hoping
Sometimes I can’t help but dream
But whenever I do
I try to stop
Because whenever the sun comes out
It will rain again
And you can dance in the rain
And you can laugh in the rain
And you can pretend it okay
But in your heart you know it’s not

I don’t know what I’m saying
I know exactly what I’m trying to, I think
I think what I’m saying
Is that positivity is stupid
Is that negativity is real
Is that nothing is real
Is that you don’t matter
Is that people are stupid
Is that there’s no truth
Is that life can’t get good
Is that there is no good
Is that you should shut up
Is that you are pathetic
Is that you aren’t right
Is that I hate you
Is that you should too
Is that forgetting is wrong
Is that remembering is wrong
Is that my mind is circling
Is that we don’t matter
Is that we need the truth
Is that I need to think
Is that shutting away is good
Is that belief is pointless
Is that I want to be alone
Is that I will hurt you
Is that I’m sorry.