Thursday, September 30, 2010


I didn't really know you, but I wish I had. I hope that wherever you are now you are happy.
You know, I've always kinda had a crush on you. You were really cute.
I remember you let me and Quin borrow your peice once. It was really pretty!
And when you signed me and Sydnie up for the talent show without asking haha

Shit, I'm gonna miss you.
Not like I'd ever see you again, but still it hurts.

I love you,man. I hope you're at peace.

RIP Alec Hendrickson

Monday, September 27, 2010

If you so choose

Feel the vibrations dance through your veins. Feel the terror leap to your heart, clinging, gripping, holding on. Free your mind. Clear your life of all thought. Devoid of all good deeds, I come before you. Without sin, I stand before you. I am as new to this world as a child. I am as broken and decrepit and alone as we all are. Push me down again, if you so decide. Or simply let me slip through your fingers and destroy myself, as you know I will. This is your moment to play god. All you have worked towards is crumbling, and you know full well if I try to fly away, my wings will get caught in the tide. Now let my words be your world. Add the flow to your life. Pull the broken hearted down, push the stars away. This temptation colors your life in the most violent shades of red and blue and justice. Is that what you think of yourself? That's not at all what you are. Freak shows and fire are everything you know or want or need or feel or love. So fill blank slates I lay before your sons and daughters with images of your ideal world, then watch as they burn. See how I can crush your hopes and dreams and wishes and wants and needs with a single snap. Hold them in your heart, if you wish. Breathe the smoke of evolution, revolution, constitution, prostitution and lies. Inhale life once again.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The end

Day 10: 10 last words
1. I love you
2. I'll miss you
3. I'm sorry
4. I forgive you
5. Don't give up
6. There's no point in wishing
7. You cannot change the past
8. Move on with your life
9. Don't waste time
10. You mean more to me than you will ever know


Saturday, September 25, 2010

day 9

Day 9: 10 ways to win your heart
1. be a dork
2. be funny
3. be unashamed
4. accept my help
5. and help me in return
6. keep my secrets
7. trust me
8. support me
9. don't lie about big things
10. love me for who I am

eat cake
and fly

Friday, September 24, 2010


Day 8: 10 of your favorite songs
1. Aftermath, Adam Lambert
2. Behind these hazel eyes, Kelly Clarkson
3. Anything Coldplay
4. If only, some ausie band I can't remember the name of
5. Hurt, Johnny Cash cover by Nine Inch Nails
6. Lullaby, extended version, The Cure
7. Anything Duran Duran
8. I am so sad. I am so very very sad, Crash and the Boys XD
9. The Reason, Hoobastank
10. love the way you lie, Rhianna and Eminem

Brandon is in New York. He comes back on Tuesday. I miss him. :(

Now I must do my biology paper, because I did it last night THEN I FUCKING LOST IT!!!!!!! GROWLLL!!!!!!!!! It took me THREE HOURS and was SIX FUCKING PAGES LONG!!!! then boom! gone! GRRRRRRRR...........

so eat cake
and fly
and don't lose your IRSEs

Thursday, September 23, 2010

So hungry!

Day 7: 10 important people
1. Alex L.
2. Gala Marie
3. Daisy
4. My mother, even thought she's sometimes a bitch
5. My poodle baby. Yes, he is a person.
6. Ashleigh
7. Cindy
8. Sydnie
9. ....Someone whose name I shant put cuz then people would think I'm weird ^^;
10. Tawni

AAH! Brandon is out of town till tuesday. Sad panda!

I really hate individual study... and today it's long block. FML! haha

soo... I have nothing to say.

eat cake.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Oh man. So much has happened. But first!

Day 6:10 items you can't live without
1. My cell phone
2. My computer
3. My radio
4. ipod
5. water
6. air
7. foods
8. painkillers
9. Anime
10. Manga

SO! stuff that has happened....

Last night I talked to Mara and I told her everything about Scott/Brandon and she said it was okay with her and so now I'm with Scott/Brandon. Who are the same person, by the way. He just has two names he goes by. And he's super cute.

So, I have nothing more to say. I think. Cause I'm fucking tired. Cause I stayed up till 3 and got up at fucking 5.
anrgy face.

so eat cake
and fly

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


Day 5: 10 wishes
1. That I still knew you
2. That I wasn't such a... bleh
3. That you would stop killing yourself
4. That she had told me sooner
5. That I had some fucking weed
6. That I wasn't sicky :(
7. That I knew what to do
8. That you give up
9. That I didn't have biology... or that my biology homework was done
10. That I could listen to music right now

So, lots have happened.

1. I thought Mara was going to break up with me
2. She didn't
3. Then she did
4. I was actually pretty okay with it
5. I ate a bunch of ice cream anyways
6. Then I ate chocolate
7. Then I took a bath
8. Then I went on Facebook
9. I started chatting with Scott
10. He told me he likes me and
11. I really like him but
12. Because of obvious reasons, I don't want to be in a relationship right now
13. I told him this
14. He was cool with it
15. Today has been kinda awkward.
16. I'm kinda confused.

BLEH! aaaaah haha

so I think what I'm gonna do is wait a while, maybe a few weeks and then talk to Mara. Cuz for some reason I feel really guilty about this whole thing even though it isn't my fault.

So eat cake
and fly

Monday, September 20, 2010

Thirty things

....cuz I missed two days.

Day 2: 10 things you love
2.My friends
3. strawberries!
4. My poodle baby
5. Weed...
6. computers
7. music
8. Adam Lambert <3 <3 <3
9. Realms of Inquiry
10. Anime and manga

Day 3: 10 things you hate
1. Overly negative
2. overly optimistic people
3. the 'Twilight' series
4. Most country music
5. Most rap music
6. Time
7. Emotions
8. That people need to sleep
9. Raw onions
10. Math class

Day 4: 10 things you want to say to one person
1. I love you
2. I miss you
3. I still have your bra :)
4. You still have my hat :P
5. I wish you weren't growing so distant
6. I wish you had never changed schools
7. I'm still jealous of you :)
8. I would still give my life for you
9. I was going to call you the other night but I thought I'd just be bugging you
10. You have no idea how many times you've changed my mind about suicide without even realizing it.

AAH! haha

now I'm really sad. :( but that's okay.

So, I thought Mara was going to break up with me yesterday, but today she told me she wasn't so now I'm a happy camper again. :D

hehe he's a spaz.

now I must go.... possibly to work? possibly. Probably not, though.

eat cake

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Oops :)

I didn't post today or yesterday because I was out of town, and now I have no time. Sad face!

So I will post tomorrow with those things I missed and such. happy face!

eat cake!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

not yet dead!

Hey! I can't really post right now cuz I really REALLY need to do homework.

so... nostalgia sucks. a lot. I really really REALLY REALLY REALLY hate it and today it made me cry in front of a bunch of people and it was really embarassing and @#!*% but yeah... haha

I miss you. lots. I want you to come back to me. I want it to be how it was. I want you to be okay again and to be able to tell me everything and know that I trust you with my life and I wish I could say a final goodbye...

I hate wanting to trust somebody, or wanting to love somebody but not knowing if they'll trust or love you back and so you don't know what to do because you want to but the worst feeling in the world is finding out that your love and support meant nothing to them....

Mi amiga did the whole ten things thing and I thought I'd give that a try so here it goes. :)

Day 1: 10 things about you
Day 2: 10 things you love
Day 3: 10 things you hate
Day 4: 10 things you want to say to one person
Day 5: 10 wishes
Day 6: 10 items you can’t live without
Day 7: 10 important people
Day 8: 10 of your favorite songs
Day 9: 10 ways to win your heart
Day 10: Final 10 words

so day one, ten things about me.
1. I have become more antisocial this year and it's weird but I don't really mind
2. My doggy is my baby. I love him with my whole heart.
3. my whole family is freaking insane. like, legit insane. it's crazy.
4. I'm bisexual and have known this for.... a long time
5. I have severe depression issues, but I take pills for it
6. I call said pills my happy pills. ^^
7. I have a lot of bears and a few Kitties and puppies
8. I am incredibly passive agressive and I don't really like it
9. Strawberries are my favorite thing in the whole world. ever.
10. I am utterly obssesed with manga and anime and am right now reading both bleach and vampire knight.

So yeah. :)

I want my phone back but in order to do that I need to do math. which I suck BALLS at.

SAD FACE! haha

so now I shall go.
I'll post tomorrow though.
maybe. :)

eat cake.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


...I am way too tired to think. Even thought I have many many many things to say.

lets start with people i have been meeting!

Mayra- She's really cool and her family is really fucked up and today she tried giving a speech in English class about her father dealing drugs and how hard it is on the family and she burst out crying and couldn't finish it and I really really wanted to hug her but I couldn't until after class.

Cindy- She's cool. i used to like her but now I don't because.... i have a girlfriend! haha she's awesome though. Me and her and mara (not to be confused with mayra) hung out afterschool today. twas fun.

Gala- she's really cool. I can really be myself around her and I tell her a lot and she's really chill. :)

Jules- She's silly! haha she's really cool too and I love her. :)

MARA!!!!!! my girly ^^ I love her!!!!!! WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!! she's the best. ever. in the world. :)

in two days imma have my birthday party and in three days imma be 15!!! i'm stoked. haha

anyways. I must go sleep now.
eat cake.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


Today, I was texting one of my new friends I made at school, and I told her I was bi. She told me she was too, and we talked for a bit, then she asked me who i liked and i told her, and asked her who she liked and she said Hope (who, I admit, is gorgeous ^^) and then she said that she thought I was super gorgeous and it made me reaaaaaally happy because I kind of like her too but I didn't tell her and I kinda flirted with her and we talked about ex's and current boyfriends and we're both kinda in the same situation where we're not supposed to see or talk to our boys and shit (did I mention that in my last post?) but i'm doing better with it than she is 'cuz I wanted to break up with quin in the first place. any-who I kinda really like her a lot. :)

aaaaand.... thats it? only cuz I'm tired.
eat cake!