Monday, November 1, 2010


It isn't over yet!!! YES!!! haha...

I am not actually in a good mood. I want to bitch someone out. I want to get in a fight and beat the shit out of someone either verbally or physically. FUCK! who can I scream at? Who can I hurt? Nobody. FUCK!!!! I wanna get high and forget about life. I wanna forget about everything. I need to let all this shit go and start over.

I came here to forget and start over. Where can I run to now? Where can I hide? Shit....

This wasn't what I wanted. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. But nothing ever really works anymore. I was forced to say goodbye so many times and I just can't take it anymore. Everyone ends up going away in the end. I need to accept that and move on. But I can't. I never could. I'm too fucking weak! I've always been too weak and it will never change. I hate myself for it. I hate my self for changing. I hate myself for forgiving. I hate myself for accepting you. I hate myself for letting you go. Above all, I hate myself for hating you. I hate how weak I am. I hate how understanding I am. I hate how forgiving I am. I hate how caring I am. I hate everything about me! I'm my own worst enemy. I can't live with all this shit I've done but I have to. I can't take myself away from you like that. I can't give up like that. I can't hurt you like that again.

I can't say goodbye.

I just think you should know that I love him and you are amazing. I miss so you so much and I want you back. Would you come back if I asked? Probably not. You seem happier without me, but that's okay. I just can't stop thinking about how happy we were. How safe I felt in his arms. Nothing could touch me. Then he was gone. You just left me. Why? Don't you know I love you? Come back, god dammit!
Fuck you... You broke my heart. I trusted you and you broke my heart. Why would you do that to me? Why would he do that to me? I love him.... No, it is not past tense. Yes, it still remains true. I love you. Can they hear me? I will say it louder. I LOVE YOU!

Wait... Why are they turning away? What did I do?

Why am I all alone again?


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