Monday, August 8, 2011

All the things I'll never understand.

When everything you have isn't good enough and everything you or anyone else can do won't make you happy, what do you expect me to do? What do you expect anyone to do? You can't want us to be perfect because, yes, you will be let down. You can't want something so damn impossible. But you do, and when people are less than perfect you play the victim and claim you knew it all along and all that other bullshit. No. You did not know what was going to happen. If you did, you wouldn't have started anything in the first place. You're a disgusting, lying piece of shit who isn't worth anything. But, god dammit, why do I still love you? That's what I ask myself over and over again. The conclusion? I don't. I don't dislike you either. I nothing you. I guess all the years of friendship and everything we may have had at one point is just gone. Poof. For you, replaced by drugs and alcohol. For me, replaced by what? Depression? You know, those years where we were closer than best friends were the best of my life. But I messed up and you messed up and all that happiness has slipped through my fingers and turned artificial in yours. It's always nice to know that I can be replaced by something so obviously killing you. But whatever. I guess I give up. I feel really stupid for bitching about this shit online because I know it won't ever help anything. And I know it's all got the same effect in the end. I'm sorry for being stupid, like always. I'll just remove myself permanently from your life. All you'll have is memories. No, I'm not going to kill myself. But to you, I will simply disappear. We will see each other again, and I will smile and pretend to have fun, but I will be gone. I wish you would do the same for me. I really did love you, and losing you did hurt but now you're gone and it's okay. I'll be okay. I am okay. You are, too. Life is good.

So... Yeah...
Eat cake!
And fly
ittyK

1 comment:

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