Friday, November 26, 2010


So, I just noticed that I'd gone over the 100 post mark. I was going to do this on 100 but I guess I'll just do it now :).


1.I used to be really social, but this year it's gone away mostly. I'm not complaining though because being lonely is better than putting up with people :)
2. My favorite thing in the whole wide world ever is my puppy dog :)
3. My favorite mangas/animes are Kekaishi, Bleach, FMA, Vampire Kinght, Inuyasha and Black Cat
4. My real name is Catherine, but I go by Cate
5. I strongly dislike people touching my phone without asking.
6. I HATE when people lie to me about big things. I'd perfere them to just tell me that they don't want to tell me and to go away.
7. I like almost all music. Really.
8. I really want a job
9. I want to become a teacher at Realms :)
10. I want to go to Prescott Collage, but there's one problem.... It's in Arizona. :(
11. I really REALLY should be doing homework right now, but of course I'm not about to do so :)
12. I absolutely LOVE strawverries and pomegranites ^^
13. I think smiley faces make everything seem happier :D
14. I freaking love fire!
15. I'm kinda addicted to Facebook, but not so much as I was.
16. I feel like almost everyone I knew is going away but it's okay 'cuz they're happier without me.
17. I don't want to make new friends, though, because losing them hurts so damn bad.
18. I have a wristband that I got over the summer on a shopping trip with Anton and Sydnie. It's rainbow and black checkered and I barely take it off anymore.
19. Yes, I named my phone. His name is Rylee and he is gay. ^^
20. My best friends are probably Sydnie and Ashleigh. I love them!
21. most of the guys I like turn out to be gay or assholes or taken. Ah well. I'm fine being single :)
22. I am Agnostic and I enjoy learning about religions
23. I can tolerate most religions, but not at all when people use religion as an excuse to hate others.
24. I am also Democratic and I like making fun of the TEA party with my father. :)
25. My favorite subject in school is English or art.
26. My least favorite is Biology because my teacher is a dick and I just don't like Bio. :(
27. The anime character I think I'm most like is Rangiku Matsumoto from Bleach.
28. If you're reading this I probably would die for you. <3
29. We are not what you think we are. We are golden.
30. My favorite word is starshine. Heehee I love it!
31. My favorite saying is "And life goes on." Because it makes me happy haha
32. I don't smoke a lot, but I consider it one of my favorite things to do.
33. I do it because it distracts me from reality. I do it because when I'm high I can't stop laughing. I do it because it's not as bad as cutting myself, which is pretty much the alternative for me.
34. My favorite time is 11:11pm. 11:11 because I get to make a wish and pm because a) I'm not in school and b) it's normally dark outside at that time :)
35. I like the color combination blue and red, except if there's white involved it becomes patriotic and I hate patriotism.
36. I am fairly negative (moreso than I am positive) but not overly.
37. I love blood. It's pretty and it tastes good and it even smells good :)
38. My cousin is one of the people I'm closest too, which is kind of silly since she doesn't really know much about me and we don't talk about much besides anime/manga
39. I like making friends, just not letting them get close to me.
40. I love Coldplay, Thirty Seconds to Mars, Avril Lavigne, ADAM LAMBERT, Lady Gaga, and Corrine Bailey Rae.
41. I write a lot, mostly fanfiction, and I've never written a full story that wasn't an assignment for school.
42. I am currently working on a BLEACH fanfic, and I've gotten farther on it than I have with any other so I'm pretty hopeful about it.
43. For two years straight I was voted 'most likely to survive on a desert island by eating the skin off her own toes.' EW!!!!!!
44. I mostly wear tight clothing but I don't own any long sleeved shirts. Which isn't good when it comes to winter and I'm in Utah....
45. I'm not really photogenic, but I like taking pictures of myself and having pictures taken of me.
46. I would die without chocolate.
47. On school days I normally drink caffinated tea in the morning, Dr.pepper for lunch, A monster energy drink on the way home, and I eat lots of chocolate. basically, caffeine is my life force.
48. If I call you a bitch I either really do hate you or I love you. Or both, sometimes. :)
49. I don't participate in lots of sports, but I ski a LOT in the winter.
50. I have a very flirtatious attitude and it's gotten me into quite a bit of trouble before ;) (halfway done!)
51. My room is ALWAYS messy.
52. I find Geography really interesting, Math and Spanish really boring, Biology very stupid, English fun but challenging and Art is just fun
53. My favorite teachers are my Spanish and Art teachers. My least favorite are my biology and Math teachers.
54. My favorite books are The Princess Bride, The Book Thief, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and the Scott Pilgrim series.
55. Last semester I got a GPA of 3.6, but this semester I'm probably going to much worse. :(
56. I like drawing manga people but I'm not very good at it at all. Oh well!
57. I love loooong baths and showers. ^^
58. I am obsessed with shoes, especially boots.
59. I'm a very VERY hardheaded person. If I decide something, it's nearly impossible to get me to change my mind.
60. I love when people call me 'cute' or 'pretty' rather than 'beautiful' or 'sexy' or whatever.
61. I'm pansexual-I don't care if they're a boy or girl, if they're attractive to me then I'll crush on them. Or ask them out. Or make out with them. Or whatever ;)
62. My favorite movies are Milk, The Princess Bride, Fade to Black I'll Call Your Name, Miyazaki films, and Inception.
63. I recently made a facebook for Ichimaru Gin and I have more fun roleplaying him than I think I should.
64. My two biggest celebrity crushes are Adam Lambert and Rhianna. They are both SOOOOOOOO FUCKING SEXY!!!!!!!!
65. I couldn't name just one, but among my favorite songs are The Reason by Hoobastank, Whataya want from me by the sexy sexy Adam, Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson, Alejandro by Lady Gaga and Need you know by Lady Antebellum.
66. I like the number eleven quite a lot.
67. I am highly obsessed with Ichimaru Gin. Very very very much so. haha god...
68. We will never be anything but loud :)
69. I also like this number, but because of the sex position, because of the wonderous Shuuhei-Kun who is quite the nummy man and I like drawing his 69 tattoo on my wrist. :)
70. I also always write 'fly' on my wrist. I don't really know why, though.
71. I don't get a whole lot of sleep at night.
72. I prefer the cold because I am more awake and alert when it's cold as opposed to falling asleep when it's hot.
73. My life force is caffeine.
74. I love writing.
75. I hate writing essays for specific things though.
76. So I often times don't do my big important assignments, which is probably not good.
77. I am okay at doing my homework as long as it doesn't involve the computer. If it does, I WILL get distracted.
78. I really don't like the movie Napoleon Dynamite.
79. My three least favorite actors ever are Nicholas Cage, Adam Sandler, and Jim Carrey. They are all SO terrible and obnoxious.
80. My three least favorite actresses are Kristen Stewart, Anne Hathaway (sorry, Sydnie-Bear!) and Cathy Ireland.
81. If you tell me I look like Kristen Stewart, which people often do, I will harm you. Badly.
82. My favorite webcomics are Order Of The Stick, Looking For Group, xkcd, and Cyanide and happiness.
83. I love my Spanish teacher and my Art teacher. They are my favorite. If you don't count Bobby, which I don't because he's more of an observer than a teacher.
84. Although he is in charge of the drama club and the manga club.
85. And yes, I am part of said manga club.
86. I hate Aizen-Sama. With a passion.
87. My favorite items of clothing are my red and blue and black plaid jacket-shirt thing and my converse.
88. My stomach wants me to die.
89. I 'like' two guys right now and I'm pretty sure they both like me back but I really am not looking for a relationship right now. I actually really like being single now :)
90. I hate saying goodbye to you, my dear. I'll make sure this is the last time. If you come back, then you'd better stay. If you don't think we can handle it, then this is it. I'll still love you always.
91. My favorite shape is a perfect circle.
92. Life don't make any sense to me....
93. I really feel like crying right now but I can't because if I did then I'd break my promise and I'd get swarmed with people who would all ask me what's wrong. I hate talking to people about that kind of stuff. Haha
94. I am proud of my scars.
95. This morning I slipped on the ice when I was walking to my bus stop. Stupid asshole didn't shovel the driveway at all so it was totally ice. I hope they drive down it, slip on the ice and fucking die. haha I'm nice
96. I've only ever broken one bone and it was my pinky. How pathetic is that?
97. I really dislike Valentine's day.
98. I also really dislike the Twilight Series.
99. I'm almost done!
100. Now I am done :)

That was really hard hahaha
Eat cake
and fly

Thursday, November 25, 2010


I made a promise to myself, then I said it out loud. I told somebody. That was the first time I've ever kept a promise to myself. I didn't break it. :)

I guess it wasn't only for myself. It was partially for someone else but I feel like it was more for me than them. but it doesn't matter. I won't break it. I won't. Promise. :)

So, today is Thanksgiving. I was gonna go out of town but then there was a blizzard warning so we didn't. blizzard my ass! heavy snow and winds for two or so hours. We only got like, four inches of snow! But anyway, I ended up staying in Utah. Which sucks.
I'm not going to do one of those cheesy 'what I'm thankful for' things, but I just want to mention a few people and why I'm thankful for them specifically.

Elsa-You make me laugh :)
Sydnie-You also make me laugh and I can tell you anything ^^
Anton-You opened my eyes so much. Thank you.
Alex-You make my life better in so many ways. I love you soooo fucking much.

Ha yeah. Sorry for being cheesy. I'll stop now. :)

I've got two essays I need to write before Monday but I have absolutely no motivation to do so. Even though I'd fail English and Biology if I don't. Shit. And I'm freaking sick but I can't miss anymore school cuz I've already missed too much. BLEH!!!!


I am kinda completely in love with Adam Lambert so here are some songs of his. God, that boy is sexy.

Super trippy. I wanna watch it while I'm high. :)

David Bowie+Adam Lambert ^^

Now for his own music videos.

this always makes me cry. It reminds me of too much...

This is a really popular song at my school. It's played at all the dances. :)I really love the rocker mad hatter style he's got in the video ^^

This also reminds me of sad things, but it's a really upbeat awesome song. This was his first MV he did too :)

I'm not a huge fan of this video, but whatever. It still has Adam in all his sexyness in it. So it's okay. :)

Okay, it's not Adam Lambert but it's still fa~abulous.

Haha funny. Posting has made me feel a better. :)

I'm done now.
Don't eat turkey!
It's really gross.
You can eat cake, though.
And fly.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


I will be strong for you.
I won't cry for you any more.
Because if I do then you'll be sad, too.
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I'll stop now.
I promise.

Life's percentage. (taken from Anton's Haus)

Start at 100% and subtract 1% for everything you’ve done.
1. Smoked.
2. Drank alcohol.
3. Cried when someone died.
4. Been drunk.
5. Had sex.
7. Been to a concert.
7. gotten/given a handjob.
8. gotten/given a blowjob.
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.
11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given or receieved a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex’s house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an x-ray.
28. Hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done serious drugs.
31. Played strip poker/darts.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Run away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.
41. French kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.
51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present.
53. Pranked somebody
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someones room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.
61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.
71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Gone out with your friends crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Started your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.
81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you’d be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over or 3 months.
85. Sat on your butt all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore
91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face.
100. Been raped.
Total: 30%

Oh god... Haha woops ^^;

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The boy, the girl, the end

They were the only ones who could make each other feel that way. She was beautiful and could have whoever she wanted. She chose him. He offered her everything, and could never stand to see her sad. His smile would light up her life. He was a brilliant student, and recieved a job offer from one of the highest after only a year in the academy. He was the best of the best, and she was right behind. But it was that man who pulled him up. The man whose touch turned everything dark. The man who never cared about anything except being on top. The boy accepted the dark man's request, but not for himself. It was always for her. He wished to make the world better. A world where he would never have to see her tears again. He knew she would have to hate him for his path, but he was willing to give it up. He promised himself he'd return to her. He knew she would forgive him once he explained everything. Even if he hated that man, he would keep her in mind. That man's course was the one he had to take for her. He went along with everything the man told him to do. When the time came, he ordered the one beneathe him to attack her, but not to kill her. He knew she would never forgive him until he could see her again. She didn't understand. She had done everything he'd ever wanted. Now it seemed as though he had betrayed her. Why would he do such a thing? Had he never loved her? Had every word he'd spoken been a lie? Her heart was broken, but she carried on. She could not let herself fall. She thought that if she could talk to him, she could bring him back. When the moment was right, she tried. He pushed her back. He didn't want her to get hurt by that terrible man. He knew that if she tried to help him, the man would hurt her. He wouldn't let her get hurt. She could never understand it. She didn't understand until the end. Until it was too late. She would have been able to bring him back, she thought. She knew. She would have been able to, but he had never left. He'd always been with her. And in the end he tried to rebel against that man. He saw that if he let the man go on, she would end up dead. He couldn't let that happen. He tried to steal the man's powers, and he thought he did. But then the man returned. The man returned, and he left. He was gone. She saw all of this, and went to his side. His eyes had finally opened, and then they had closed again. He didn't see her tears, but they came. He wanted to tell her why he had hurt her, but he couldn't. He didn't have to. She already knew. She knew that the last years she had hated him for nothing. He was doing it for her. He wouldn't want her to be sad now, but she couldn't help it. He was gone. The boy who had given her everything, the boy she had given everything too, the boy who had been the only one for her, the boy that she had been the only one for. He was everything to her. Now everything was gone.
Their fairytale never had a happy ending. It was never meant to.
That man destroyed it all.

Friday, November 12, 2010

I miss you...

I wish I hadn't fucked everything up.
I still love you.
Do you still love me?
I know you did.
I hate myself for doubting you.
I wish I coul dhave you back again.
Did you really mean what you said?
Are you really going to try to make things better?
Please do it?
Please help me?
I can't go on without you.
You were everything
Then you were gone.
What did I do?
What can I do?
I miss you.
I wanted to hurt you like this for so long
now I can't stand it.
Am I even hurting you?
I hope I'm not.
Please tell me I'm not?
Not that you tell me anything anymore.
It's been one month since we last spoke.
But you're gone.
Is there any chance of you coming back?
Please say there is.

I'm crying now.
Because I hurt you.
I said all those things.
Don't you know I didn't mean it?
Don't you know I was just pissed off?
It wasn't at you, though. It never was.
You were just there.
It was easy for me to take it out on you.
It always has been.
But if you came back I swear to god
I will never hurt you again
I will never lie to you again
I will never say those things again
I swear to god I won't!

Please believe me?
Please come back?
I fucking miss you.
Will you realize this is for you?
Or will you think it's just another one of my love-struck ramblings about him?
It's not.
It's for you, my dear.
Because I love you more than him.
I always have.
I always will.

You should just know that you're amazing.
You should know that I can't live without you.
You should know that everything I said that day was a lie.
You should know I never felt that way.

once you told me "without you, my life would be so much worse. You are one of my best friends and should anything like that happen to you I may not be able to go on"
Can't that still be true?
I miss being a part of you.
I miss talking to you everyday.
I miss having you a part of my life.

I miss you.
I miss you so much.
It hurts so badly.
I can't stop crying.


I love you.
I always have.
I always will.
I promise.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

OK Go - Get Over It

Is Damien Kulash (the lead singer) not yummy as hell?
Plus, I've been wanting to say the message of this song to quite a few people.

I'll post the rest of the drama when I'm not so pressed for time
Lots of love!
Eat cake!


Day one: I flew down to Saint Louis with Daisy and her family. After we checked into our hotel which was totally awesome (IT HAD AN OLD FASHIONED POPCORN MAKER IN THE LOBBY!!!) And then we went to a library concert which was very super fun. :)Then I went to sleep. ^^

Day two: We drove down to Potosi and chilled at the Trout Lodge and made friends and such :) Then there were three more bands that played so I danced and sang a shit-ton and such :)

Day three: There was hardly a break between concerts. It was sooo much fun! After the final concert ended at about 10:30 there was a dance party and it was super fun! I was singing and dancing nonstop so by the end my voice was completely gone and my feet felt like they were going to fall off. I ended up going back to the room around 2:30.

Day four: losing my voice the previous day wasn't a good idea. I had to perform on Sunday and I was like... croaking. haha but I think people had fun anyways. We made them all dance ^^ And we got a most enthusiastic band prize. 'Twas fun! there were even more concerts then... and I lost my voice even more. Then we had a bonfire and it was sooo fun! I drank a tiny bit, but not enough for anyone to notice. So it was okay :)

Day five: I said goodbye to everyone, drove back to Saint Louis and flew home. THE END!

haha it was a superfabulous weekend. That was last weekend, by the way.

So, when I got back to school on Tuesday (sad face) people started pissing me off. but more on that later, cuz the bell just rang.

eat cake!

Monday, November 1, 2010


It isn't over yet!!! YES!!! haha...

I am not actually in a good mood. I want to bitch someone out. I want to get in a fight and beat the shit out of someone either verbally or physically. FUCK! who can I scream at? Who can I hurt? Nobody. FUCK!!!! I wanna get high and forget about life. I wanna forget about everything. I need to let all this shit go and start over.

I came here to forget and start over. Where can I run to now? Where can I hide? Shit....

This wasn't what I wanted. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. But nothing ever really works anymore. I was forced to say goodbye so many times and I just can't take it anymore. Everyone ends up going away in the end. I need to accept that and move on. But I can't. I never could. I'm too fucking weak! I've always been too weak and it will never change. I hate myself for it. I hate my self for changing. I hate myself for forgiving. I hate myself for accepting you. I hate myself for letting you go. Above all, I hate myself for hating you. I hate how weak I am. I hate how understanding I am. I hate how forgiving I am. I hate how caring I am. I hate everything about me! I'm my own worst enemy. I can't live with all this shit I've done but I have to. I can't take myself away from you like that. I can't give up like that. I can't hurt you like that again.

I can't say goodbye.

I just think you should know that I love him and you are amazing. I miss so you so much and I want you back. Would you come back if I asked? Probably not. You seem happier without me, but that's okay. I just can't stop thinking about how happy we were. How safe I felt in his arms. Nothing could touch me. Then he was gone. You just left me. Why? Don't you know I love you? Come back, god dammit!
Fuck you... You broke my heart. I trusted you and you broke my heart. Why would you do that to me? Why would he do that to me? I love him.... No, it is not past tense. Yes, it still remains true. I love you. Can they hear me? I will say it louder. I LOVE YOU!

Wait... Why are they turning away? What did I do?

Why am I all alone again?